Let me serve you, let me fight for your love.

The picture below depicts where I'm at with my service.

Our God is a God of providence. That's what I keep telling myself. This is what He has been challenging me with the past week...to really trust in His ability to provide for me.

I attended a household meeting with YFC Cebu leaders last night and the topic of PYC came up. Basically, they will be holding their conference on the weekend of May 26-May 27. That happens to be my birthday weekend. There are other things that will be going on that specific week. I started to panic when they asked me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that God was very literally asking me to choose between two of the greatest desires in my heart. As obvious as the answer to me was, I still found myself hesitating.

Despite the unworthiness I feel, I find the Lord calling me out....still. He is asking me to give Him my time, my effort and my trust. He has stirred my heart and reminded me that I do have a purpose here in the Philippines. I spent the first half of my trip in a state of chaos and confusion. I questioned why I even allowed myself to spend so much time on "vacation". I mean, I pretty much came out here on a whim. Nothing but a vision a year ago that I needed to travel here. He wanted me to discover something great. I doubted him many times within the past three months, but, I feel that the time is NOW. I have to answer His call. How can I deny Him when He has done nothing but shower me with blessings?

I mean, when it rains...brothers & sisters it POURS.

The only thing standing between me and a full YES is approximately Pxxxx- the cost of a ticket from Manila to Cebu.

I know somehow the Lord will provide financially. I'm already halfway through the battle, because someone has already offered to help me with HALF of  the cost...all within 24hrs of being asked to serve!

Lord, may I never lose sight of my mission here. Continue to humble me throughout my trip and allow me to meet the right people- people who will bring me closer to you and strengthen my faith. Surround me with people whose purpose is like mine. May we come together and grow in faith. Continue to draw me closer to where you are...I want to be with you.

All glory and praise to His name.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

One thing I've started to rediscover during my trip here in the Philippines is my essence as a woman. What in the world do I need to be in order to be respected, to be treasured and most importantly to be loved? Like me, so many of the women today are confused. They are confused because of the way that our societies have chosen to define what and how a woman should be. She should be kind, generous, caring and loving. But then she should also be fearless, aggressive, strong, and the most commonly used definition lately:  independent. 

Apparently that's the most IMPORTANT part: In order to be a "REAL" woman, you need to realize that you do not need a man in your life. Heck, it's all about flower power. You're a woman? So what! You can make your own money, own your own house, drive your own luxury car and climb that career ladder of yours! You're just as great as the next man across from you. Go ahead, tell all the men in your life you're so much better than them.

But that's not why the Lord made us.

"The essence of a man is Strength. A man is meant to be the incarnation- our experience in human form- of our Warrior God. A God who comes through for us." 

Women today strive to be something they are not. We were never made to be like our male counterparts. We will never be like the men in our life, nor should we want to be. Now before I share with you what a woman should offer the world, let me first ask you a simple question.

What was the LAST thing the Lord created on this Earth?

Think about it....

The last thing our God made was woman. 

Has it hit you yet? The profoundness of that very fact? If we see value and beauty in His creations like the mountains, the seas and the animals then why is it so hard for us to see our value and our beauty as a woman? 

WE ARE HIS MASTERPIECE. 

We are the crowning glory. 

We are the cherry on top of that sundae.

So now I can tell you that, "the essence of a woman is beauty. She is meant to be the incarnation- our experience in human form- of a Captivating God."

When I read that in Captivating I was blown away. It took a moment to register. My goodness how was I so blind these past 23 years? How could I let my society devalue me? How did I let so many people tell me I was worth nothing, that I wasn't worth it? That was when I started to not only see but accept what the Lord wanted me to claim this whole time: that as a woman, I am precious.

Lord, grabe ka talaga! You know me and the needs of my heart. You have found a way for me to physically experience Your love...I mean, what better way to affirm my essence as a woman & my worth as Your daughter than to send me such STRONG brotherly companionship here in the Philippines? He has blessed me with so many male counterparts to guide, protect and to walk with me as I grow in my faith journey with Him halfway around the world. What are the chances that I'd have so many of my CANADIAN brothers join me?! First Miguel, Timothy, and Cj. Pretty soon I'll be joined by Julius. And right on time for my birthday, the Biaco brothers Paul & Mitch. These brothers and their presence in my life has been God's reminder to me: that I am His princess.

A man, if he is of God, should help you to discover your beauty as a woman. He will treasure your heart. He will seek out your presence and fight for your love.

So as a woman, yes I do believe we need a man in our life.

Semana Santo

What does it mean to be out of your comfort zone?

This lenten season is the first one in twenty-two years that I've spent away from my family, away from what I've learned to accept as my "home" in Canada. I've done more self-reflecting within the past month than I ever have in the past few years. The Lord has spoken so many times to me during this trip and at first I found it hard to hear him. I know it was my fault. I had steered so far away from my journey, from the mission that he entrusted me with eleven months ago. One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that our God is not an aggressive or boisterous one. He is quiet, he is calm, he is benevolent.

"Longer"

Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean

Higher than any bird ever flew

Longer than there’ve been stars up in the heaven

I’ve been in love with you.

Stronger than any mountain cathedral

Truer than any tree ever grew

Deeper than any forest primeval

I am in love with you.

  -Dan Fogelberg

-------------------------

The way in which our God loves us. May this serve as a reminder for you. I pray that someday, if not already, you will see just how greatly He wants you to come back to Him. The Lord's love for you is everywhere. You just have to see beyond what the world is projecting. Look beyond materials, look beyond man-made creations. He exists in all the things He created (especially within every person you encounter regardless of how unpleasant they may seem).

It takes a lot more effort to see God in everything and everyone, but I promise you once you learn how to do it, you will begin to see just how great his love is for you. I'm still learning (far far from being perfect) YET I'm already so overwhelmed by the goodness of it! 

The Lord's love for me manifests itself in the sky. Regardless of where I am in the world, the one thing that stays consistent within my sight is that very thing. Day or night, the sky always extends far beyond what my eyes can see. I will never forget that night I spent at Bantayan when I was just sitting under the stars. Moments of profound grace. It was such an intimate moment for me, as if the Lord was saying:

This is how much I have loved you. You are more precious and worth so much more than the beauty of the stars at night. Try to count how many there are, and triple that number. That is how many times I will try to capture your attention when you stray away from me. See how brightly they shine? That is how I see you. What a lovely sight to behold. Remember that as a daughter of Eve you can still claim your place as the crown of creation. This moment I have designed specifically for you. This moment is yours alone, but I'm allowing you to share it as well with the one around you. Treasure this memory. Let it remind you to never give up on me. As long as the sky exists above you, so too will my love surround you.