Desert, demons, decisions.

Sometimes our mind builds us up, sometimes it breaks us down. We are our own worst critic.

Let us not forget this Lenten season that our love story with the Lord is broken in two parts: The first part requires us to carry our crosses. It means going through a desert experience of sorts and coming face to face with our own personal demons- whatever they may be. This time in our life may cause us to feel as though we are inadequate, we are incomplete, we are lacking, we are nothing. Our burdens feel twice the size and we feel defeated. The pain somehow seeps into every crevice of our heart and infects the part of us that held hope.

But it's not the end. Like I said, our love story with the Lord has two parts. The second part is the one that really matters. It's the part we tend to overlook. That is the victory of Christ's love and mercy, the victory that claims eternal happiness, the victory that brings us freedom.

So to all of those people who may be feeling a little dry and thirsty, to those who are going through desert experiences....open your eyes and your heart. If there are certain things or people he has taken away from you, it just means that He's made space in your life...space that you can decide to fill in with God. He's doing the spring cleaning for you by removing those which may be a hinderance to you.

Maybe you'll eventually realize that the enormous desert you felt was swallowing you whole, is nothing but a small sandbox after all. Allow Christ to enter your life, lift the veil of deceit from your eyes and help you walk out into the oasis of beauty He has prepared for you.

AMDG.

Lord, that I may never lose sight of you and the victory that you have claimed for me. Help me to see beyond my own hurts and pains so that I can be a blessing to others, rather than a burden to my own self. Help me to overcome my mind so that I can be free to just receive the mercies that You give me day in and day out. Amen.

Danger Zone

This.

If there is anything I am guilty of once, twice, three times over...it's this. I love to stay underwater. I love to sit there chained and shackled to the bottom of the ocean floor. I know this much about myself. It's a habit I've been struggling with and it's something I'm still working on. I will hold my breath until I feel that I've turned over every rock and crevice. I won't stop until I understand where things went wrong.

I care too much, that much can be said. I will bend forwards, backwards, sideways, upside down, into a pretzel- I will pretty much do whatever I can for the people in my life. I do it because I care for them. I do it because I believe that they deserve nothing short of my best. But, if the time ever comes that I need help or support and they don't deliver the same kind of attention to me...I get offended. Why is it that some people find it hard to do even the bare minimum- to give me the respect or the understanding that's due? 

Lesson learned:

“There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations” 

-Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes 

I can't change people. I can't change how they are, or control what they do. If I keep finding fault in others, then I'm never going to be happy. I'm just going to be angry- All. The. Time. I did the whole 'angry' thing for weeks on end, and it all did was consume me. It engulfed me and affected every area of my life. That is until one day, while meditating on the cross I came across this passage in my mind:

Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, 

and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me;

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

-Matthew 11: 28-30

A question a priest asked me the other day: 

What do you get when you put d in front of anger?

It was the reality check I needed, the water bucket I got thrown at my face to revive me. It made me see how much destruction and despair I was putting myself through because I couldn't move forward. I allowed my anger to obscure my vision- instead of seeing the greatness that God had placed in my life ahead of me I focused on the pylons by my feet. All I needed to do was walk around them; after all they were nothing but pylons! I can't change what people do or what they say, but I can alter my attitude towards those things. I can adjust myself accordingly. That's it. By letting go, I'm finally allowing myself to float above the waters. 

My prayer.... 

Lord, allow me to focus on the love that you graciously give me everyday. Help me to get past my anger, my resentment, my stubborn behaviour which stem from my pride. Humble me so that I can forgive those who have hurt me. I pray for their hearts, that they too may learn to see the truth and not be driven by their emotions as well. Bless all the relationships in my life, especially the ones I hold closest to my heart. Allow healing to enter our relationship and mend what was, what is, what may be broken. Open up our eyes to the things that our emotions may cloud us from. Give us the courage to confront the hurts and pains and the wisdom to know the right thing to do. I pray that I learn to anchor myself in no one else but You, for you are the rock in which all goodness comes from. Amen.

"I know now that true charity consists in bearing all our neighbors' defects--not being surprised at their weakness, but edified at their smallest virtues."