Oceans Deep

"I will not bring to the Lord that which costs me nothing."- 1 Chronicles 21:24 

When the most important people, places and things start getting taken away from you, then it is a sign that you are indeed getting closer to Christ. The more we anchor ourselves and our hearts toward God, the more we will be asked to give up the things we value in this world. Why? Because He is not of this world.  Christ took up His cross, so what makes us think that we are exempt from taking up our own?

I've had to let go of some pretty important things in my life; someone that used to bring me emotional and mental security, and a job that secured my future financially. However it is only through this "cleansing" that God has become my one and only source of hope, truth and light. The less grip I have on worldly things, the wider my hands are spread out- the best position for Him to fill it with his love and mercy. The less I carry with me in my heart, the quicker I can get to where He is.

Ever since I've rediscovered God a year and a half ago, I've asked him to show me how to trust Him with every part of me and with every fibre of my being. Be careful of what you ask for because He will answer you in the firmest way possible. Firm but personal.

As of Thursday, June 27 at 4:31pm I will be unemployed. I've been asked to resign due to x, y, and z reasons. I thought I'd have some pretty violent emotional reactions, but to my surprise I feel peace. He is taking away something that means a lot to me. That could only mean that God is asking me to move forward- forward towards something greater. Warning:No baggage policy. The art of detachment being practiced in the most practical way.

The Lord never takes something without replacing it. 

So instead of jumping back into the boat, I will dive. I will dive deeper into the waters. If I will drown, it'll be from his love. If I'll choke it'll be from His relentless giving of compassion and forgiveness. If I lose my breath it'll be from the beautiful unveiling of His plans for me. I am in the here and now. I am exactly where I am meant to be. If I am securely anchored in Christ, I can rest in the knowledge that His Holy Spirit will guide me to the next leg of my spiritual journey.

Being unemployed puts me in a deeper state of spiritual hunger.  Right now He's telling me to focus on the Archdiocese of Toronto and see the opportunities that exist there; this is mission beyond the comforts of my CFC-Youth community. Why not cast the net there? I have nothing to lose.

God sows seeds. If we clear out the clutter in our hearts and minds He will show us exactly where we can reap a fruitful harvest. This is His vineyard. Not ours. Anything and everything we collect belongs to Him.



Ad maiorem Dei gloriam.
To God be the greater glory.

Pruning a tree

Do you know why trees get pruned?
Promise, there's a point to this. So hear me out....

Trees get pruned to...

• remove dead, damaged and diseased branches to help prevent insect & decay organisms from entering the tree.

• Remove co-dominant leaders. Co-dominant leaders are 2 branches growing near the top of a tree that grow straight up and become equally dominant. Cutting off one allows the other branch to grow & become the dominant branch. 

• stimulate growth in sparse areas of the tree.

For about a decade and a half I allowed a particular branch in my life to grow wildly and out of control. It was an area of my life that I thought could be maintained with my patience and love. So for a very long time I poured everything into that one branch. It was damaged and diseased, but I never lost hope. Slowly that one branch sucked out all the goodness that could have gone to other areas of my life.

Pruning does wound the tree. Trees don't actually ‘heal’ their wounds. A branch that has been cut off is permanently gone and nothing else grows there. What does happen is that the tree "seals" its wounds. Over time the tree creates some sort of callus around the wound and covers the initial cut. Inside the tree, some chemical boundary is formed around the wounded area which compartmentalizes it. This prevents decay. 

By the time I noticed how toxic that branch was, it was already sensitive and close to dying. It was the first branch of many and many good things came from it. If I tended to it, wouldn't it eventually just get better? "Eventually" became one year, then another, then another. Fourteen years later I was left with nothing but a tree that had stopped growing properly because the diseased branch was taking up too much. The issue wasn't about whether or not something should be done or what. It was when. I never had enough courage to place both feet firmly planted on the ground. Many times over I made the decision to just let it go, but I never could. 

I finally allowed God to be the one to prune me so it could be done properly. It hurt to have Him do it, and it still stings a lot. The cut was sharp, quick and final. I knew that nothing would ever grow there again which is probably why I held off of it for so long. It's unfortunate that I didn't let God have full control until things really started dying, but how else could a stubborn person like me learn? That branch might have been important in the beginning, but I realized how I had to start growing again. I need to grow. 

Just so, every good tree bears good fruit, and a rotten tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, not can a rotten tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire. So by their fruits you will know them. -Matthew 7:17-20

To be honest, I don't know where God is leading me. However, I can be secure in the knowledge that regardless of the place, my feet are facing forward. Everything that has happened to me in the past two years have contained nothing but blessings upon blessings. The Lord has been outpouring His love for me in so many ways and that was while I carried the decaying branch. How much more growth can happen now that I've cut if off?

I'm trying to ask Mama Mary to show me how to be patient. I've been asking her to help me trust in Her Son the same way she did; to obey & to witness. She's had a very strong presence in my life the past two weeks and I can honestly say that this is the first time in twenty-four years I've really acknowledged her. She's done nothing but console me during this most vulnerable time of my life.

I've been allowing myself to be sensitive to the Spirit this past week and this is the message that kept coming up: Yes, healing hurts, but it doesn't have to be torturous. God's timing is so perfect and even throughout this whole ordeal He's allowed me to enjoy the process. He's allowed me to see far greater things than what I was accustomed to. I'm not at my best but my heart is confident because I have a future full of hope.

Lord, thank you for pruning that branch off for me. Now I can truly continue to BLOOM where you have planted me.