Mother Mary, the #wingwoman

If my life had a tagline, it would be Exodus 14:14. Ironic because being still is probably the hardest thing for every cell in my body to do. My mind works like a spiderweb; one thought leads to at least 15 others. The second verse that I've learned to live my life with would be Psalm 37:4. It's helped me to understand the importance of uniting my heart with Christ's so that ultimately my desires are His.

As I read an old blogpost from almost a year ago, I can't help but be reminded by a quote from one of my Saint friends, St. Edith Stein:

"What lay outside my plans for myself lay within God's plan for me."

Right she was! Because recently God blessed me with someone who tangibly embodies those two life verses. God perfectly paved the way for us by giving us such bountiful, beautiful years of friendship. I was never pressured to be someone else around this person, and I always found my heart at rest around him. The Lord fought our personal battles for us so that when the time was right, we both didn't have to struggle with being ashamed of baring our humanity to each other.  Genuine friendship allowed us to be who we were called to be; there was comfort in the knowledge that we already accepted each other.

We are both so different from who we were when we first met, but I believe that to be the blessing- that we have the opportunity to be witnesses of how powerful God's transformative love is. Our relationship as brother and sister in Christ helped us to embrace each other's flaws and four years later I can only attest to how God's glory is so wonderfully and powerfully shown through him.  I was dramatic and complicated. He was lukewarm and allergic to emotion. Now I've learned to channel my emotions into passion for Christ's mission while his struggle for pride allowed him to become a confident and strong defender of the faith as a leader in the CFC-Youth GTA community.

As I began to seriously journey in my faith my greatest prayers were to find Jesus, have him permanently live in my heart, and making him my greatest desire. And that's what I worked so fervently on. For the past year I asked Mother Mary to guide me. She lead me to the burning furnace of Jesus' Sacred Heart and I consciously worked on imitating her virtues by way of consecration to her Immaculate Heart.

God blessed me with an ever-growing and inspiring Sector (CFC-Youth GTA West) and a household that constantly challenged me to be a better leader and woman of God. It wasn't an easy task and I wanted to give up many times in the past 20 months, but I knew that this position was God's way of funnelling his love for me in one "place". In my care were 300 souls and I was called to love every single one of them, especially the ones who were hardest to love, to accept, to care for. That's exactly what I pushed myself to do- to pray harder so that I could love bigger.

I stopped looking at my own wounds. I stopped focusing on my own pain. I stopped yearning for worldly shallow desires. I looked to Mama Mary who was fully human and lived a life of complete submission to Christ.

Behold the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done to me according to thy word.

At the end of each day, I reminded myself that the only place I needed to be was at the foot of Jesus' cross. At the end of each day I needed to find myself standing on Mt. Calvary. Some days were easy, while others were just down right painful. But whether I ran to the top, dragged my feet along the way, or gleefully jogged towards my destination, at the end of each day I needed to be able to say to Jesus that I had carried my cross as best as I could, that I did it with genuine love for Him and my neighbours.

Loving 300 people made it easier for me to be vulnerable to the one person God was preparing me for at this time of my life.

Little did I know that as I focused on being the best version of myself, God was also working double time on someone who was already a big part of my life. He isn't perfect; he has his own struggles, he has his own skeletons in the closet, and his own baggage that he has to deal with. But what I can say is that at the end of each day, he also willingly looked on and journeyed with Mother Mary. He devoted himself to her, immersed himself in way of the Rosary and fell in love with the most beautiful woman to ever grace this planet. He surrounded himself with her so much that he too ended up where she was, which was at the foot of Her son's cross. 

It was there that we met. It is there that we stand. It is there that we both pray our blossoming Christ-centered relationship will take root, grow, and bear fruit. 

John 15:4-8

I never had to settle, lose myself in the process, or compromise my own values & beliefs. I'm so grateful that the Lord pruned me little by little over the years because I can willingly receive this blessing with the fullness of Christ's love and without fear.

"Do not be anxious bout anything, but by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."- Philippians 4:6

We don't know where this relationship will lead us, but we do know that at this very moment our relationship is a gift from God. We will continue to protect each other's holiness and desire nothing less than heaven for one another.

Heart of Jesus, we adore Thee.
Heart of Mary, we implore thee.
Heart of Joseph, meek and just,
In these three Hearts we both place our trust.
Amen.

Mother, May I?

After three years of journey with Mary through the chosen themes of the Couples for Christ community (Magnificat, Wedding at Cana, Behold & Ponder) one has to simply ask, "Why Mary?"

I must admit that before last year I never really acknowledged her that much. I began my journey back to the Church in 2012 and throughout that time God revealed one consistent thing: roses. My understanding of what He meant back then was completely different. If I was just entering the streams of the Water of Life, I bothered with nothing else but to simply wade in the shallow waters. It was easier to secure my safety by staying at a place that I could easily get myself out of, lest I drown.

But alas, the Lord's love for me is so immense that in order for me to fully realize that very truth, I had to swim further into the depths. He wasn't asking me to just swim, he was asking me to dive deeper and deeper. It hasn't been an easy journey and it still isn't an easy journey.

Which brings me back to Mary. There's just something about her. Her strength was in silence, her joy anchored in the sorrows of her crucified Son. All that she was- a stark contrast to what the world then and the world know accepts as truth. The blues of her cloak subtle but powerful against the monochromatic synchronicities of life as we know it.

Her Virtues:

• Ardent Charity: Love for God, her drive behind all decision making
• Profound humility: Never forgetting who she was before God
• Universal Mortification: Laying down her life and will 24/7
• Constant Mental Prayer: Aware of God's constant presence
• Blind Obedience: Following God without counting cost
• Divine Wisdom: Always asking the Holy Spirit to guide her 
• Surpassing Purity: Maintaining a clean heart and unstained from sin
• Angelic Sweetness: Radiating peace and joy from the heart
• Lively Faith: Seeking God's will and never settling for complacency
• Heroic Patience: Trusting God and never losing faith that His plans are greater

When we look at a disaster zone (flood, tornado, typhoons, etc.) We always seem to look at the surrounding areas. When we realize everything around it is just as destroyed, our hearts become heavy. But, if you look up at the sky it always gives off some sort of light- whether from the sun or the moon, there is always the promise of a new day. Like Mary, there is always the promise of a Saviour born- Jesus Christ, the Light of the World.

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What seemingly was just a reminder of my patron saint, St. Therese and the guidance of another saintly friend, St. Rita grew to be something more grand and elaborate. The Lord has revealed, is revealing and will hopefully continue to reveal roses to me so that I never forget to turn to His mother, Mary. It is a reminder to Behold & Ponder. A promise that carries with it a brighter tomorrow, a life eternal. Mary after all, is the Mystical Rose.

Queen of the Holy ROSE-ary.

I pray that I may slowly adapt her virtues, so that I can continue to be an effective evangelizer of Christ and in some way a lampstand that helps to share the Light to those in darkness.

One day, urged I think by the Holy Spirit, I went to church, and with my heart full of trust, I asked: "Why did you wish to remain on earth, on every point of the earth, in the most sweet Eucharist, and you have not found, you who are God, also a way to bring and to leave here Mary, the mother of all of us who journey?"

And from the tabernacle, in the silence he seemed to reply: "I have not left her because I want to see her again in you. Even if you are not immaculte, my love will virginize you, and you, all of you, will open your arms and hearts as mothers of humanity, which, as in times past, thirsts for God and for his mother."- Chiara Lubich (No thorn without a Rose)