An introduction of sorts.

 Finally after two months (and three days) I have finally gotten around to:

1.  making a blog
2. posting it
3. releasing it for public consumption
....okay, so I half lied. I still don’t know what to fill this blog with. What I hope to do is share my experiences, both the everyday mundane activities and the big events that encompass my six-month journey in the homeland. 

I came here with a bag full of expectations (and about two weeks worth of clothes). I thought  of all the possibilities a small 5’1 Filipino-Canadian girl would do once she got rooted and settled into the Philippine lifestyle. I dreamt big and I knew I wanted to do it all. Nine months before I actually left Toronto, I was given a vision. I held onto that vivid picture and it made the "impossible" seem possible. At that time I had about three more semesters left of my undergrad. How the heck was I going to finish it in less than a year when I was somewhat, kind of behind my peers? But, praise God because I was obviously able to finish. When you know why you're doing what you are doing, anything can happen. I guess I could call that moment the beginning of a Purpose Driven Life.

Those closest to me know the background story behind my escapade(s). It's a long story and I've never been great at doing 2min. "long-story-short" spiels. So, I tell everyone else the simplest explanation: I'm going on vacation. Then, they give me an obvious answer: "Isn’t SIX months way too long to spend vacationing in the tropics?!" I just smile.

At this point in time, I've gone through so much more than I anticipated. Hadn’t I consciously prepared myself for everything before leaving? Apparently not. The fastest way to break me down is through my heart.  How typical right? I am after all a girl. Har-har, but stereotypes aside, it’s not really a secret. Anyone who has gotten to know me can easily decipher that I’m a lover, not a fighter. When I love, I love with everything that I am. I feed off those around me. I’m sensitive to their emotional needs, so how much more for my own?

The truth.

That’s how I really felt then and I still really feel it now. The past two months have been quiet on the outside, but noisy on the inside. I cannot count the number of times I've called an SOS meeting via Skype, Facetime, and Twitter iM's. When all three failed, I found myself jumping into bathtubs. Somehow they calmed me down.

I wallowed in self-pity. I lost patience with myself. I even spoke to my mom about cutting the trip short. What the heck did I expect? That things would be perfect for the next 180 days? That every moment would be filled with joy and laughter? The reasons behind my pain stemmed from something I've been wanting for a long time. I'm stubborn that way. Not everything that glitters is gold.

One day, I got up and told myself that I had to stop focusing so much on the needs of MY heart. I had to tell myself that I came here for something bigger than me. How did I lose sight of my goals? How could I let my heart get so distracted with something I knew was my poison? Better yet, how did I easily forget about my purpose?

There has to be a lesson, somewhere. Everything happens in God’s time. I should just wait and constantly check that my metre of patience does not run low (I get restless easily especially when I’ve got a million and one things on my mind). The Lord does not stir our hearts for nothing. He wants to capture our attention. I know this best through experience. 

Sometimes life has a way of throwing you off guard when you’re at your strongest, when your body is filled with so much anticipation and your heart is filled with so much love. You hold your head up high. You're walking on clouds. “I can, and will do it!” you say to yourself. Nothing or no one can stop you. Those moments don't happen often, so when you're having your not-so-great days, remember that 'this too shall pass'.  

Like I said earlier I never promised to write anything life-changing here or trick you into thinking that I've done so much to change the world. There's a lot I need to discover about myself; my self-worth as a person, and my value as a woman of God. Maybe that's what He's been trying to tell me all this time- that I need not rush or be too eager for the work at hand until he has finished polishing my rough edges. It will happen. A slow start, but one where I will surely be emotionally and mentally prepared. I am still waiting and hoping that God will enlighten me and open up my eyes to why He has sent me here. He made me a promise on April 2011, and you betcha I am ready to claim it when it comes up. 

He has stirred my heart. He has recaptured my attention. I am destined for something greater. That much I am sure of.