Everyone who knows me, knows that I am the meticulous, analytical, overly cautious type of person. I do not take risks unless all relevant factors and/or consequences have been examined- twice. I thrive in security. I thrive in knowing that I have control in a situation. This is so apparent in even the smallest of things: I colour coordinate my laundry, I use at least four different coloured pens when writing notes, I never bend the pages of my book, I bring a suitcase for a weekender. These are my "simple joys", the things I can do to bring more "order" in my life.
With all the things that the Lord has provided me during the past few months I feel so underserving. Who am I that He makes me feel important? Who am I that He choose me out all the other active YFC members in the community to go on mission? Why did he choose to stir my heart when I had given up so many years earlier?
Now I know why- because my conviction is much stronger. It is within the extreme experiences where my declaration finds its anchor in the Lord. I am one of the extremely favoured. He has chosen me knowing full well both my strengths and my weaknesses.
Cebu holds a special place in my heart. It is here in Kusugbo* that the Lord has decided to groom me for my purpose, a purpose that he has been consistently asking me to claim. It is within this place that He has revealed himself to me. This is where he has revealed to me the greatest desire in my heart. In the last two months I have denied myself of that purpose. I allowed myself to drown out the vision in my mission because I wanted to avoid it. Is this really what the Lord has been calling me for?
My biggest fear was that my YES would mean giving up many things that I highly valued and that were close to my heart. It is through my prayers that the Lord has told me: My child, your heart will continue to be restless until it rests in Me your God. Let go of the fears and anxiety you have in your heart because it is only I who can give you the peace of mind you have been desiring all your life. Do you think that I will abandon you if you chose to devote your life to me? No! Of course not. See how abundant the blessings in your life are with every step closer you take towards me? You are my beloved. I will not forsake you. Your life will be simple but you will discover and become exactly who you are meant to be. This is my purpose for you. Nothing else will satisfy this thirst.
It is only in my nothingness where the Lord can become my everything.
The Verse of my Life.
With all the things that the Lord has provided me during the past few months I feel so underserving. Who am I that He makes me feel important? Who am I that He choose me out all the other active YFC members in the community to go on mission? Why did he choose to stir my heart when I had given up so many years earlier?
Now I know why- because my conviction is much stronger. It is within the extreme experiences where my declaration finds its anchor in the Lord. I am one of the extremely favoured. He has chosen me knowing full well both my strengths and my weaknesses.
Cebu holds a special place in my heart. It is here in Kusugbo* that the Lord has decided to groom me for my purpose, a purpose that he has been consistently asking me to claim. It is within this place that He has revealed himself to me. This is where he has revealed to me the greatest desire in my heart. In the last two months I have denied myself of that purpose. I allowed myself to drown out the vision in my mission because I wanted to avoid it. Is this really what the Lord has been calling me for?
My biggest fear was that my YES would mean giving up many things that I highly valued and that were close to my heart. It is through my prayers that the Lord has told me: My child, your heart will continue to be restless until it rests in Me your God. Let go of the fears and anxiety you have in your heart because it is only I who can give you the peace of mind you have been desiring all your life. Do you think that I will abandon you if you chose to devote your life to me? No! Of course not. See how abundant the blessings in your life are with every step closer you take towards me? You are my beloved. I will not forsake you. Your life will be simple but you will discover and become exactly who you are meant to be. This is my purpose for you. Nothing else will satisfy this thirst.
It is only in my nothingness where the Lord can become my everything.
I alone know the plans that I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future that you hope for. Then you will call to me. You will come and pray to me and I will answer you. You will seek me and you will find me because you will seek me with all your heart.Jeremiah 29:11-13,
The Verse of my Life.
*Kusugbo= Kusug (strong)
Sugbo (Cebu)
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