Words.

The rising and the falling,

the floating and the sinking,
of these carefully calculated and assembled letters called words.
An exchange; given and received.
It fills up the room seeping into every corner and crevice.

Words,
How easily you allow them to escape from you
The sweet melody and soft harmonies fall lightly like dewdrops
The heat lingers on my skin
Each syllable embracing my body and I feel its warmth.

Words,
How they fill the distance between us
Building bridges and passages,
A private highway from your mouth to my heart
Removing oceans, evaporating seas
And all you have to do is simply
...Speak.
I am filled to the brim, ripping at the seams because of you and your...

Words,
Hungry I ate, Thirsty I drank
Consuming every promise, every apology,
every declaration and excuse.
Every thought and idea you planted in my mind like seeds-
watered by my love and my every affection shone like the sun.
Your words grew,
They grew and they sprouted. They sprouted but never blossomed.
And I ask myself, Why?

Words,
The staleness in the air: recycled, reused, remastered.
They lie there cold, flat, and unmoving.
And I try to breathe life back into them
energies transferred, draining me without a moment’s notice.
Breathe.

How could I have survived on nothing but, words?
When yours came fat free with no sugar,
low on truth and half the respect
My reflection looking back- Thin. Frail. Fragile.
All because I fed on nothing but,
Words.
They come at no expense for you,
but they charge double to me-
investments high at the interest of my heart.
Sorry, no return policy. But, delivery? Sure that’s free.
No warning given, transactions are final.

Words,
While yours float like air, mine sink like gravity
Carrying the weight of the ache in my chest,
the pain in my eyes,
the struggle in my lungs.
Bringing us back down to reality:
That all you ever give me are words.
Which are nothing but carefully calculated letters
different combinations serving some sort of purpose;
Your happiness not mine.
I hear it, and the notes are flat. The chords are sharp.

The deafening noise of silence that exists from Point you to point me.

Now these....
These are words, but they are mine,

Though your satisfaction I cannot guarantee.

Words.
Mine may not build bridges and pathways, roads or tall towers,
But they uncover the dirt and rough surfaces-
The mess. The cracks. Imbalanced.
Imperfect but home grown and organic.
No frills, No cheap thrills.
       

You say what we are is priceless, but you just measured us in words
Which are nothing but carefully calculated letters, put together to sound better.

I have no need for words, for they limit and constrict
That which exists.....deep within me.

So I'll remain silent and timorous. Giving you back what's due. 

The Bare. The Bold. That which is anchored in truth:
That I am worth more than your words.

Look at me, looking at you.

It's so easy to put your best foot forward. To put on a show and flash all your best cards. It's easy to figure out what people like and to give them what they want. But how long can that act last? It's like walking sideways, only ever showing that part of you. Parts but never the whole. 

I have a hard time looking people in the eye when I'm talking. Something about it scares the hell out of me. During one conversation I decided to just give it a try, and the person on the other end was just looking back at me- and I mean REALLY looking at me. They were looking at my face so intently, and it almost felt like they were studying it- flaws and all. 

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of someone else is one of the most precious and most profound moment two people can share. That moment lasted no longer than 30 seconds at most, but it was enough to coax out a REAL genuine smile out of me. I felt a kind of peace in my heart that I have never experienced before. 

We spend so much time hiding our fears, our insecurities, our bad habits in fear that they cheapen our value and make us less of a person. Similarly to how girls spend ridiculous amount of money on make up to hide every flaw, every imperfection, every blemish. Skeletons in the closet. 

Being vulnerable is the highest form of friendship upgrades.

You owe it to yourself to experience life face to face. It's easier to get to where you need to be, when you can actually see where you're going. 

Don't spend your life walking sideways.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

One thing I've started to rediscover during my trip here in the Philippines is my essence as a woman. What in the world do I need to be in order to be respected, to be treasured and most importantly to be loved? Like me, so many of the women today are confused. They are confused because of the way that our societies have chosen to define what and how a woman should be. She should be kind, generous, caring and loving. But then she should also be fearless, aggressive, strong, and the most commonly used definition lately:  independent. 

Apparently that's the most IMPORTANT part: In order to be a "REAL" woman, you need to realize that you do not need a man in your life. Heck, it's all about flower power. You're a woman? So what! You can make your own money, own your own house, drive your own luxury car and climb that career ladder of yours! You're just as great as the next man across from you. Go ahead, tell all the men in your life you're so much better than them.

But that's not why the Lord made us.

"The essence of a man is Strength. A man is meant to be the incarnation- our experience in human form- of our Warrior God. A God who comes through for us." 

Women today strive to be something they are not. We were never made to be like our male counterparts. We will never be like the men in our life, nor should we want to be. Now before I share with you what a woman should offer the world, let me first ask you a simple question.

What was the LAST thing the Lord created on this Earth?

Think about it....

The last thing our God made was woman. 

Has it hit you yet? The profoundness of that very fact? If we see value and beauty in His creations like the mountains, the seas and the animals then why is it so hard for us to see our value and our beauty as a woman? 

WE ARE HIS MASTERPIECE. 

We are the crowning glory. 

We are the cherry on top of that sundae.

So now I can tell you that, "the essence of a woman is beauty. She is meant to be the incarnation- our experience in human form- of a Captivating God."

When I read that in Captivating I was blown away. It took a moment to register. My goodness how was I so blind these past 23 years? How could I let my society devalue me? How did I let so many people tell me I was worth nothing, that I wasn't worth it? That was when I started to not only see but accept what the Lord wanted me to claim this whole time: that as a woman, I am precious.

Lord, grabe ka talaga! You know me and the needs of my heart. You have found a way for me to physically experience Your love...I mean, what better way to affirm my essence as a woman & my worth as Your daughter than to send me such STRONG brotherly companionship here in the Philippines? He has blessed me with so many male counterparts to guide, protect and to walk with me as I grow in my faith journey with Him halfway around the world. What are the chances that I'd have so many of my CANADIAN brothers join me?! First Miguel, Timothy, and Cj. Pretty soon I'll be joined by Julius. And right on time for my birthday, the Biaco brothers Paul & Mitch. These brothers and their presence in my life has been God's reminder to me: that I am His princess.

A man, if he is of God, should help you to discover your beauty as a woman. He will treasure your heart. He will seek out your presence and fight for your love.

So as a woman, yes I do believe we need a man in our life.