Let me serve you, let me fight for your love.

The picture below depicts where I'm at with my service.

Our God is a God of providence. That's what I keep telling myself. This is what He has been challenging me with the past week...to really trust in His ability to provide for me.

I attended a household meeting with YFC Cebu leaders last night and the topic of PYC came up. Basically, they will be holding their conference on the weekend of May 26-May 27. That happens to be my birthday weekend. There are other things that will be going on that specific week. I started to panic when they asked me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that God was very literally asking me to choose between two of the greatest desires in my heart. As obvious as the answer to me was, I still found myself hesitating.

Despite the unworthiness I feel, I find the Lord calling me out....still. He is asking me to give Him my time, my effort and my trust. He has stirred my heart and reminded me that I do have a purpose here in the Philippines. I spent the first half of my trip in a state of chaos and confusion. I questioned why I even allowed myself to spend so much time on "vacation". I mean, I pretty much came out here on a whim. Nothing but a vision a year ago that I needed to travel here. He wanted me to discover something great. I doubted him many times within the past three months, but, I feel that the time is NOW. I have to answer His call. How can I deny Him when He has done nothing but shower me with blessings?

I mean, when it rains...brothers & sisters it POURS.

The only thing standing between me and a full YES is approximately Pxxxx- the cost of a ticket from Manila to Cebu.

I know somehow the Lord will provide financially. I'm already halfway through the battle, because someone has already offered to help me with HALF of  the cost...all within 24hrs of being asked to serve!

Lord, may I never lose sight of my mission here. Continue to humble me throughout my trip and allow me to meet the right people- people who will bring me closer to you and strengthen my faith. Surround me with people whose purpose is like mine. May we come together and grow in faith. Continue to draw me closer to where you are...I want to be with you.

All glory and praise to His name.

Love and other Drugs

My "drugs" from Canada have finally arrived care of @ellen_mt. You can't imagine how happy I was to receive the LBC package. Although I grew up in the Philippines, my body has morphed into its North American version over the years, thus rendering my immune system to a minimal. There are days when I can't even see out of my eyes because of how swollen they are, and nights when I end up finishing tissue paper rolls (sorry cuz!).

Now... it doesn't seem like a big deal receiving my medications, but just like how these "saving" pills came in the mail, so too did the GOOD great news from a friend via iM. His personal message could not have come at the most ideal time. I am filled with SO much joy and happiness right now. I feel like God is trying to tell me that he has heard my prayers and that like my medication he will rid me off the toxins (in my mind) and give me a clearer view of what is to come.

Discernment

What the world says is successful vs. What I think is a good enough cause to fight for.

I thought being in the Philippines would make it so much easier for me to decide. Wrong. Being here has only opened up my eyes to the vastness that lies in between the two lifestyles. This is NOT a highschool multiple choice question. I can't just take a pencil, and fill in what I know is the "better answer", the textbook answer. This is the real stuff. What I choose to go with, I actually have to LIVE out, consequences and all.

In a world where North American lifestyle is glamourized and social activism is on the brink of becoming the latest "fad", deciding has only become that much more challenging. 

You either work for the Lord. Or you work for Money. Inevitably what you do defines who or what exactly you are serving.

Lord continue to stir my heart. I called, and this was Your answer.  Allow me to find my purpose here. 

What goes through my mind every night before bed...

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity