Mother Mary, the #wingwoman

If my life had a tagline, it would be Exodus 14:14. Ironic because being still is probably the hardest thing for every cell in my body to do. My mind works like a spiderweb; one thought leads to at least 15 others. The second verse that I've learned to live my life with would be Psalm 37:4. It's helped me to understand the importance of uniting my heart with Christ's so that ultimately my desires are His.

As I read an old blogpost from almost a year ago, I can't help but be reminded by a quote from one of my Saint friends, St. Edith Stein:

"What lay outside my plans for myself lay within God's plan for me."

Right she was! Because recently God blessed me with someone who tangibly embodies those two life verses. God perfectly paved the way for us by giving us such bountiful, beautiful years of friendship. I was never pressured to be someone else around this person, and I always found my heart at rest around him. The Lord fought our personal battles for us so that when the time was right, we both didn't have to struggle with being ashamed of baring our humanity to each other.  Genuine friendship allowed us to be who we were called to be; there was comfort in the knowledge that we already accepted each other.

We are both so different from who we were when we first met, but I believe that to be the blessing- that we have the opportunity to be witnesses of how powerful God's transformative love is. Our relationship as brother and sister in Christ helped us to embrace each other's flaws and four years later I can only attest to how God's glory is so wonderfully and powerfully shown through him.  I was dramatic and complicated. He was lukewarm and allergic to emotion. Now I've learned to channel my emotions into passion for Christ's mission while his struggle for pride allowed him to become a confident and strong defender of the faith as a leader in the CFC-Youth GTA community.

As I began to seriously journey in my faith my greatest prayers were to find Jesus, have him permanently live in my heart, and making him my greatest desire. And that's what I worked so fervently on. For the past year I asked Mother Mary to guide me. She lead me to the burning furnace of Jesus' Sacred Heart and I consciously worked on imitating her virtues by way of consecration to her Immaculate Heart.

God blessed me with an ever-growing and inspiring Sector (CFC-Youth GTA West) and a household that constantly challenged me to be a better leader and woman of God. It wasn't an easy task and I wanted to give up many times in the past 20 months, but I knew that this position was God's way of funnelling his love for me in one "place". In my care were 300 souls and I was called to love every single one of them, especially the ones who were hardest to love, to accept, to care for. That's exactly what I pushed myself to do- to pray harder so that I could love bigger.

I stopped looking at my own wounds. I stopped focusing on my own pain. I stopped yearning for worldly shallow desires. I looked to Mama Mary who was fully human and lived a life of complete submission to Christ.

Behold the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done to me according to thy word.

At the end of each day, I reminded myself that the only place I needed to be was at the foot of Jesus' cross. At the end of each day I needed to find myself standing on Mt. Calvary. Some days were easy, while others were just down right painful. But whether I ran to the top, dragged my feet along the way, or gleefully jogged towards my destination, at the end of each day I needed to be able to say to Jesus that I had carried my cross as best as I could, that I did it with genuine love for Him and my neighbours.

Loving 300 people made it easier for me to be vulnerable to the one person God was preparing me for at this time of my life.

Little did I know that as I focused on being the best version of myself, God was also working double time on someone who was already a big part of my life. He isn't perfect; he has his own struggles, he has his own skeletons in the closet, and his own baggage that he has to deal with. But what I can say is that at the end of each day, he also willingly looked on and journeyed with Mother Mary. He devoted himself to her, immersed himself in way of the Rosary and fell in love with the most beautiful woman to ever grace this planet. He surrounded himself with her so much that he too ended up where she was, which was at the foot of Her son's cross. 

It was there that we met. It is there that we stand. It is there that we both pray our blossoming Christ-centered relationship will take root, grow, and bear fruit. 

John 15:4-8

I never had to settle, lose myself in the process, or compromise my own values & beliefs. I'm so grateful that the Lord pruned me little by little over the years because I can willingly receive this blessing with the fullness of Christ's love and without fear.

"Do not be anxious bout anything, but by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."- Philippians 4:6

We don't know where this relationship will lead us, but we do know that at this very moment our relationship is a gift from God. We will continue to protect each other's holiness and desire nothing less than heaven for one another.

Heart of Jesus, we adore Thee.
Heart of Mary, we implore thee.
Heart of Joseph, meek and just,
In these three Hearts we both place our trust.
Amen.

Oceans Deep

"I will not bring to the Lord that which costs me nothing."- 1 Chronicles 21:24 

When the most important people, places and things start getting taken away from you, then it is a sign that you are indeed getting closer to Christ. The more we anchor ourselves and our hearts toward God, the more we will be asked to give up the things we value in this world. Why? Because He is not of this world.  Christ took up His cross, so what makes us think that we are exempt from taking up our own?

I've had to let go of some pretty important things in my life; someone that used to bring me emotional and mental security, and a job that secured my future financially. However it is only through this "cleansing" that God has become my one and only source of hope, truth and light. The less grip I have on worldly things, the wider my hands are spread out- the best position for Him to fill it with his love and mercy. The less I carry with me in my heart, the quicker I can get to where He is.

Ever since I've rediscovered God a year and a half ago, I've asked him to show me how to trust Him with every part of me and with every fibre of my being. Be careful of what you ask for because He will answer you in the firmest way possible. Firm but personal.

As of Thursday, June 27 at 4:31pm I will be unemployed. I've been asked to resign due to x, y, and z reasons. I thought I'd have some pretty violent emotional reactions, but to my surprise I feel peace. He is taking away something that means a lot to me. That could only mean that God is asking me to move forward- forward towards something greater. Warning:No baggage policy. The art of detachment being practiced in the most practical way.

The Lord never takes something without replacing it. 

So instead of jumping back into the boat, I will dive. I will dive deeper into the waters. If I will drown, it'll be from his love. If I'll choke it'll be from His relentless giving of compassion and forgiveness. If I lose my breath it'll be from the beautiful unveiling of His plans for me. I am in the here and now. I am exactly where I am meant to be. If I am securely anchored in Christ, I can rest in the knowledge that His Holy Spirit will guide me to the next leg of my spiritual journey.

Being unemployed puts me in a deeper state of spiritual hunger.  Right now He's telling me to focus on the Archdiocese of Toronto and see the opportunities that exist there; this is mission beyond the comforts of my CFC-Youth community. Why not cast the net there? I have nothing to lose.

God sows seeds. If we clear out the clutter in our hearts and minds He will show us exactly where we can reap a fruitful harvest. This is His vineyard. Not ours. Anything and everything we collect belongs to Him.



Ad maiorem Dei gloriam.
To God be the greater glory.

Discernment

What the world says is successful vs. What I think is a good enough cause to fight for.

I thought being in the Philippines would make it so much easier for me to decide. Wrong. Being here has only opened up my eyes to the vastness that lies in between the two lifestyles. This is NOT a highschool multiple choice question. I can't just take a pencil, and fill in what I know is the "better answer", the textbook answer. This is the real stuff. What I choose to go with, I actually have to LIVE out, consequences and all.

In a world where North American lifestyle is glamourized and social activism is on the brink of becoming the latest "fad", deciding has only become that much more challenging. 

You either work for the Lord. Or you work for Money. Inevitably what you do defines who or what exactly you are serving.

Lord continue to stir my heart. I called, and this was Your answer.  Allow me to find my purpose here.