Feast Day of the Little Rose

The year has come and gone so quickly. I look back at my calendar and wonder how I survived the whirlwind of events that have transpired. I look forward to the rest of the year and still so much has to be done. 

Today is October 1st: the feast day of my patron saint and the beginning of the month of the Holy rosary intersect. I attened the 7pm mass with nothing but extreme longing and desire in my heart- some I understood and others I have been trying to understand for the past few weeks. Regardless, I brought them all today at the foot of the cross as I walked up to receive the Holy Eucharist. I received Him joyfully knowing that Mother Mary and St. Therese were watching over me.

I walked towards the adoration chapel and knelt down.
I started to take in the quietness around me:
the gentleness that was on Mary's face;
the playfulness in baby Jesus/Sto. Nino;
the rays that extended down from the Divine Mercy;
the grandeur and simplicity of the Holy Eucharist, of Christ before me.

Then: Embraced with Mercy. Kissed with grace. Covered by love, with love, for his love.

“For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition & of love, embracing both trial and joy.”

- St. Therese of Lisieux

Names started to flash in my head along with faces. I stopped worrying over my own needs. I looked towards the poverty of His Spirit in the world and in the community. I prayed for the hearts of others. I prayed for the salvation of souls. I prayed for the conversion of fellow sinners.  I haven't prayed with so much passion in a long time. 

My life needs to reflect His greatness. To accept and embrace the hope He brings. To be that vessel of hope to others, a vessel that runs on love- love for Him and love for others. It means allowing everything about me to sing of that love. Even the broken parts of me. Especially the broken parts of me. 

I shall approach the rest of this year with continuous prayer and sacrifice. Like St. Therese I will find strength in these, and have them be my invincible arms. To hope that they move the hearts of others towards no one else but Christ. And like Mother Mary I will strive to shine like a moon, reflecting the burning passion of love- the Son. 


And just as it struck midnight, my counterpart handed me a gift- my very own Marian Devotions book. One tiny prayer answered, a simple joy given. And it's only been day 1.

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; 

your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.

- Psalm138:8

Oceans Deep

"I will not bring to the Lord that which costs me nothing."- 1 Chronicles 21:24 

When the most important people, places and things start getting taken away from you, then it is a sign that you are indeed getting closer to Christ. The more we anchor ourselves and our hearts toward God, the more we will be asked to give up the things we value in this world. Why? Because He is not of this world.  Christ took up His cross, so what makes us think that we are exempt from taking up our own?

I've had to let go of some pretty important things in my life; someone that used to bring me emotional and mental security, and a job that secured my future financially. However it is only through this "cleansing" that God has become my one and only source of hope, truth and light. The less grip I have on worldly things, the wider my hands are spread out- the best position for Him to fill it with his love and mercy. The less I carry with me in my heart, the quicker I can get to where He is.

Ever since I've rediscovered God a year and a half ago, I've asked him to show me how to trust Him with every part of me and with every fibre of my being. Be careful of what you ask for because He will answer you in the firmest way possible. Firm but personal.

As of Thursday, June 27 at 4:31pm I will be unemployed. I've been asked to resign due to x, y, and z reasons. I thought I'd have some pretty violent emotional reactions, but to my surprise I feel peace. He is taking away something that means a lot to me. That could only mean that God is asking me to move forward- forward towards something greater. Warning:No baggage policy. The art of detachment being practiced in the most practical way.

The Lord never takes something without replacing it. 

So instead of jumping back into the boat, I will dive. I will dive deeper into the waters. If I will drown, it'll be from his love. If I'll choke it'll be from His relentless giving of compassion and forgiveness. If I lose my breath it'll be from the beautiful unveiling of His plans for me. I am in the here and now. I am exactly where I am meant to be. If I am securely anchored in Christ, I can rest in the knowledge that His Holy Spirit will guide me to the next leg of my spiritual journey.

Being unemployed puts me in a deeper state of spiritual hunger.  Right now He's telling me to focus on the Archdiocese of Toronto and see the opportunities that exist there; this is mission beyond the comforts of my CFC-Youth community. Why not cast the net there? I have nothing to lose.

God sows seeds. If we clear out the clutter in our hearts and minds He will show us exactly where we can reap a fruitful harvest. This is His vineyard. Not ours. Anything and everything we collect belongs to Him.



Ad maiorem Dei gloriam.
To God be the greater glory.

Danger Zone

This.

If there is anything I am guilty of once, twice, three times over...it's this. I love to stay underwater. I love to sit there chained and shackled to the bottom of the ocean floor. I know this much about myself. It's a habit I've been struggling with and it's something I'm still working on. I will hold my breath until I feel that I've turned over every rock and crevice. I won't stop until I understand where things went wrong.

I care too much, that much can be said. I will bend forwards, backwards, sideways, upside down, into a pretzel- I will pretty much do whatever I can for the people in my life. I do it because I care for them. I do it because I believe that they deserve nothing short of my best. But, if the time ever comes that I need help or support and they don't deliver the same kind of attention to me...I get offended. Why is it that some people find it hard to do even the bare minimum- to give me the respect or the understanding that's due? 

Lesson learned:

“There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations” 

-Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes 

I can't change people. I can't change how they are, or control what they do. If I keep finding fault in others, then I'm never going to be happy. I'm just going to be angry- All. The. Time. I did the whole 'angry' thing for weeks on end, and it all did was consume me. It engulfed me and affected every area of my life. That is until one day, while meditating on the cross I came across this passage in my mind:

Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, 

and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me;

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

-Matthew 11: 28-30

A question a priest asked me the other day: 

What do you get when you put d in front of anger?

It was the reality check I needed, the water bucket I got thrown at my face to revive me. It made me see how much destruction and despair I was putting myself through because I couldn't move forward. I allowed my anger to obscure my vision- instead of seeing the greatness that God had placed in my life ahead of me I focused on the pylons by my feet. All I needed to do was walk around them; after all they were nothing but pylons! I can't change what people do or what they say, but I can alter my attitude towards those things. I can adjust myself accordingly. That's it. By letting go, I'm finally allowing myself to float above the waters. 

My prayer.... 

Lord, allow me to focus on the love that you graciously give me everyday. Help me to get past my anger, my resentment, my stubborn behaviour which stem from my pride. Humble me so that I can forgive those who have hurt me. I pray for their hearts, that they too may learn to see the truth and not be driven by their emotions as well. Bless all the relationships in my life, especially the ones I hold closest to my heart. Allow healing to enter our relationship and mend what was, what is, what may be broken. Open up our eyes to the things that our emotions may cloud us from. Give us the courage to confront the hurts and pains and the wisdom to know the right thing to do. I pray that I learn to anchor myself in no one else but You, for you are the rock in which all goodness comes from. Amen.

"I know now that true charity consists in bearing all our neighbors' defects--not being surprised at their weakness, but edified at their smallest virtues."