Called you by name

‎"Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love? Great deeds are forbidden me. The only way I can prove my love is by scattering flowers and these flowers are every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love."

Mad shoutouts to my homegurrrrrl St. Thérèse of Lisieux, patronness of the Mission/missionaries. Today is her feast day! I honestly believe that humility was her middle name. She proved to the world that living a life for Christ does not always mean extremes; having faith as strong as a mountain, as high as the heavens translated into simple everyday acts can be enough.

PS. Thanks Mom and Dad for naming me after someone so beautiful. You've given me a great role model to look up to. Oh, and St. Thérèse thanks for the love.... Jesus knows my heart's desires that much more because he hears two voices praying in unison- yours & mine. I know you're asking me to do more with my life, things that I never considered were possible you've helped to make it happen. You've sent me all the right people at the right time- people who also are devoted to you. 

Probably also put in a good word about calling me out for my future mission life. You & Mama Mary are sneaky. Because of both of you I've been able to experience what life as woman of God can be like. Love it. Thanks for showing me the way.

You know what my heart struggles with now. Please intercede for me. I know you got my back. Love ya! 

Let Me Take Care

"LET ME TAKE CARE."

This was the last message that resonated so strongly in my heart this past weekend. In less than 12 hours of being back home (on a more permanent basis), the Lord blessed me with an offer for a Full time job. Not only will this job enhance my experience in the program I actually graduated in, it will also allow me to serve fully for my service area here in CFC Youth GTA.

In the past 8 months, I have traveled to 15+ cities in the Philippines, to 4 different states in the U.S. and 3 provinces here in Canada. Within that time I have also attended 4 conferences, 3 which were on a national scale. I served in 2 and participated in 2. This journey began on January 9 with zero plans and a very dried up bank account.

The one line that kept me going: Trust in Me.
The one verse that gave me hope: Jeremiah 29:11.

It was always on the back of my mind that my mission trip would come to an end eventually and that I would have to face reality. After speaking to many of my colleagues in ECE, I knew that the field was saturated. I knew that there may be a possibility that I would be unemployed for a while, or that I may have to settle for a retail job.

But 2.5hrs ago, I was just offered a full time position at a daycare for the sr. preschool classroom at a bilingual centre. I will only be working Mon-Fri which means I will never have to miss out on my household meetings, any assemblies or mission trips during the weekend.

A friend of mine messaged me literally right after the Singles for Christ Conference on Sunday. The position opened up and they needed someone to fill it in ASAP. I start on Tuesday.

WOW.

Our Yes is our personal treasure. It may seem insignificant but it's one of our most powerful possessions, because our yes stems from our choice. No one can force us to give it away, especially not our God.  It is our yes that opens up the door to his infinite amount of blessings. We think WE know best what our needs are, but these standards are based only on what we have seen in our life. Allow the Lord to widen that range of view by giving Him permission to conquer Your life.

It is in your trust that the Lord will reveal not only good things, but GREATER things. I am not lucky. I am BLESSED, because my God has chosen to use me as a beacon of hope to others. Believe that if you give yourself fully to the Lord and surrender your own plans, that He will NOT abandon you. I am no one special- I am not any more loved by the Lord than you are. So do not think that you are exempt from his Promises.

Discovering the Lord is an adventure, and probably the only one that guarantees a happy ending. So give Jesus the wheel, and like me...you may find yourself reaching destinations that you would have never thought possible.

Claim His will and claim His victory in your life.

Read up, write down.

Stay organized. 
Be responsible. 
Take control of your life. 

There is nothing wrong with writing down your thoughts and ideas down on paper. There is nothing wrong with using an actual agenda to write down your plans. If your life seems to be spiralling down the drain because too much is happening, then try writing down what you need to do. Sometimes the best way to unload our minds is to transfer all the things floating inside our noggin to a piece of paper. When we see our thoughts written down, it may be easier for us to make connections and to plan for action.

What good is it to be inspired and not remember that self-professed profound "aha!" moment days, months, years later? The best way for realizations to become a reality is to reflect. But what good are reflections if you can't have a physically tangible source to make comparisons with- between the old you and the you you are today?

Mother knows best

NOTHING can ever surpass the love a mother has for her Son.

..which is why we should always seek out Mama Mary in the things we pray for/about. What better guide to have than the woman who bore the Almighty? Human as she was, she was still able to carry out the life that God wanted for her. At only fourteen years old she already allowed the Lord to take over her life. She gave up her own life so that her desires would only reflect what His desires were. She never complained. A gentle woman with faith that literally moved heaven & earth. How profound her love for us is, that she will definitely see us through everything we do.

Think about your own mothers right now.

How many ways has she provided you with the things you not only needed but also wanted? How many sleepless nights this woman has spent in her WHOLE enitre life just so that she could cater to me! And by that I don't just mean my childhood days. In my older age I have thrown tantrums and shed an ocean worth of tears and she still knows how to soothe me, to calm me down. You know those days when you just feel really crappy and nothing absolutely nothing else in the world can "cure" you but a homemade dish or a nice big hug. Mothers are such a beautiful gift. We all came from one and we all lived inside their bellies. It warms my heart to know just how careful my mom was when she was pregnant with me. Their job doesn't end when we're out and about! It's a 24/7 thing even when we ourselves reach our 30's, 40's, 50's etc. No one knows us better than our own mothers, because we will always share an indescribable link with them. For the first 9 months of our lives, we were literally a PART of them.

Full of grace. Blessed are you amongst women, and blessed is the FRUIT of your womb, Jesus. 

So if our human mothers can provide us with nothing but the best, how much more for our Mother Mary who was the purest of the pure! Golden that lady was. Crowned in perfection.

She is the prime example that it IS indeed possible to proclaim the greatness of the Lord with nothing but kindness and humility. The Lord was the stronghold of her life.

So as we continue to live out our daily lives, let us allow her to journey with us through our discernment. Let us ask her to intercede for us.

She really does know best.

Hearts ablaze: How to relive that post-Conference high over & over again

"And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus,

giving thanks through Him to God the Father."

-Colossians 3:17

He is all powerful. He is all knowing.

He is the ALMIGHTY. 

Can you say those three statements above with conviction if you had to? If someone were to interview you right now could you give him/her a succinct answer? How has God been powerful in your life? How can you be so sure that He is all knowing? In what way(s) has He been Almighty to you? 

I know most of us are riding that post-conference high, but as we enter back into our everyday activities let us be mindful of these questions. If there's anything I've learned since coming back from the Philippines, it's this- that reflection time is just as important as prayer time. We must continuously remain reflective of the important moments that touch our lives because these will get us through the rough times.

We need to stop relying on conferences, youth camps and other major events to be on fire. These only happen every few months. Should we burn out when we go back to our homes? Conference only happens once a year, so should we limit our almighty experiences to just once a year as well? We need to stop relying solely on our leaders and speakers as well. Will we stop burning when they stop speaking or are no longer present in our lives? Instead let us look to Christ Jesus as our one and only source of light. If we look to Him as our main source of fire, we will never burn out. It is only with God that our embers can be reignited- He will breathe in us a new life and this is how we will continually be ablaze! 

I've learned to stop grounding my faith in emotions. We can not just rely on emotions because emotions can change quickly. Instead I am grounding my faith in the truth, because GOD IS TRUTH- and the truth never changes.

TRUTH*: that God loves us with an everlasting love.
TRUTH*: that His faithfulness to us is unmatched.
TRUTH*: that the Lord will always forgive us and show us mercy regardless of how sinful we were/are- we just need hearts that are ready to ask.

*click for bible verses

Yes the Lord is powerful. He is indeed all knowing. But he can ONLY be ALMIGHTY in our lives if we allow him to be. Believe that whatever desires are in our heart, he can give it to us. If he doesn't give it to you, it is only because there is something greater out there for you. Think of it this way:

If you ask him for bread, he will give you a whole bakery.

If you ask him for a glass of water, he'll give you a gallon.

If you ask him for crayons, he will give you the 64 pack with the built-in sharpener.

THAT IS HOW THE LORD PROVIDES FOR HIS CHILDREN.

So whether I reside under the heat of the southeast asian sun or walk with the winds of the true North behind me, I shall continue to proclaim the greatness of the Lord with courage. For he did not give me a spirit of timidity but of power, love and discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). 

I'm still amazed at how I'm managing to attend these conferences /events despite having nothing (literally) in my bank account. I haven't worked since December 2011 yet I have attended ILC in Boracay/Aklan,   Provincial Youth Con. in Cebu, ANCOP-Cornerstone training in Manila, and later this month the National SFC Con. in Ottawa.


The Lord simply provides. 

I allow him to show me just how powerful He is. I allow him to show me that he is all knowing. I allow him to be the greater force, the biggest influence, the best gift-giver in my life. I simply allow him to be the ALMIGHTY.

And look at how far He has taken me because of this.
Will you let Him do the same for you?

FAMILY

What is the fastest way to isolate and break down a person? Break up their family.

WHY? 

Because it is the one place on this earth where TRUE love should exist.

You know what bothers me a lot? Knowing that I live in a country where the divorce rate is ONE out of TWO marriages (Department of Justice, Child Support Initiative, Evaluation Report, 1997). That means that when you get married in Canada, you only have a 50% chance of staying with your partner. WHAT. THE. HECK.


Which means I'm going to fight against it by getting married in another country! Hahaha.


But all jokes aside, here are more disturbing facts about the divorce rates in Canada:

• almost 75% of Canadian divorces are being initiated by women
• one yr after separation or divorce, 50% of children of divorced or separated families never see their fathers again
• risk of divorce increases greatly after each successive marriage (75% for 2nd, and about 85% for 3rd marriages)
• 75% of divorced men remarry while 65% of divorced women remarry

What is happening to this world? The importance of exchanging vows and making promises til death do they part have obviously deteriorated. Is that why a lot of people walk around so empty? Breaking the sanctity of marriage can really suck the life out of a family that was once so rooted in faith, love and hope. No wonder people have ridiculous commitment issues here in North America. No wonder less couples want to bother getting married.

For the youth of today:

It's not always about Y-O-U

"I don't know if I can go because I don't have the money..."

is a phrase that I've been hearing so much of lately in regards to events and/or conferences. It's a question that spurs on a mini investigation. A lot of questions run through my head such as:

• How badly do you really wanna go?
• Did you know about this event beforehand?
• How long ago were you informed about the event?
• If so, did you financially prepare yourself for it?
• Did you bother trying to save?
• Have you gone on any other trips lately? Where? How much did you pay for it?
• Do you think you prioritized that more than this?

I do keep in mind that sometimes there are things that happen which are beyond our control. But even then, something can always be done. The most important question that comes to mind really is: HAVE YOU PRAYED ABOUT IT?


Sometimes, well actually all the time, it's never about whether or not YOU can provide for yourself. Faith is knowing that you have a God who can do wonders for you. Faith is knowing that He is of divine providence. It was never about you to begin with! So the next time you consider whether or not you can go, take your question to God first, and don't let it just die with you.

I keep repeating this over and over again, but honestly CLAIM YOUR PRAYERS. CLAIM THAT HE IS THE ALMIGHTY. Know that no matter what your situation is, He will provide. Let Him. Because doubting our Lord's ability to do so is like shutting the door in His face when he knocks.

I can attest to all these things because the Lord provided for me in the Philippines for 6 months despite the fact that I was unemployed. Not only that, he is allowing for me to go on a States-Winnipeg roadtrip in two days. I am able to attend the Canadian YFC national conference not just by myself but with my family. Monday was the last day to reg for the SFC nat'l con in Ottawa (in August). I really didn't want to push it but I just kept it in my prayers everyday and you know what? He's allowing me to attend that too! ALL WITHOUT A JOB.

How is this possible?
Because my God makes it very much possible.

That's the beauty about our relationship with the Lord. Sometimes we don't even do anything yet he still showers us with abundant blessings. He still wants to keep capturing our hearts. He still wants to reach out to us. This is an everyday occurrence.

But first you have to allow yourself to see the ways in which he tries to reach out to you. All he needs is your Yes. Let Him romance you.  He will never force something on you. Seriously He's just waiting for you to open yourself up. Only then will He begin to do wonders for you.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding."

-Proverbs 3:5

Baby, welcome home.

Airplanes suddenly became so interesting to me during this trip. Since I've never stayed more than 3wks in one place for a 6 month period, I just had to learn to love em. My flight yesterday was 23hrs, 10mins in total. I usually get so antsy/panicky that I only use up 6hrs in total for sleeping, but this time it was different. I felt at peace and so calm. I slept through more than half of it and the hours that I spent awake I enjoyed (yum Korean air food and a very lovely old Korean woman seat mate).

A lot of people have seen me cry within the past 72 hrs. Most of the time it's not because I'll miss them (I know I'll be back sooner than later). It's because I've been fearing my return to Canada; how will I integrate the new me into an old life? Yes I left behind a lot of baggage in the Phils. but I also had more to come back to in Toronto. But God is so good that he made sure I would get all the affirmations I needed to believe that as challenging as it will be to be back, I am more than capable of dealing with my skeletons in the closet.

Now the picture above isn't the greatest quality nor is it an artsy-fartsy shot, but it served as the answer to my question.

Moments of profound grace.


The wing of that plane and where it appears in the picture is where God fits into my life. There is the me that hid in darkness, confusion, fear and doubt, but with the Lord now in the centre of my life rest assured I can sigh a big breathe of relief- MORNING IS COMING. No matter how dark I feel my past was and how much ugliness was left behind there is hope that YES, he has purified and cleansed me during this trip. Just as the day is breaking in the sky one day all of it will be filled with light.The plane's wings didn't completely separate the contrasting night/day sky- see how on the far left side, some of the morning is spilling into the night? Beautiful.


There is nothing for me to fear. I always repeat in my blogs and in person that whenever we pray or light up our petitions we shouldn't just ask for it. Instead we should CLAIM that indeed those prayers are already answered. In this way, we show our Lord how great our faith is in Him that even though we don't see the answers yet, they are already there. This world is full of truths that are rooted in faith, love and hope. Do not be blinded by the small lies that cover these truths like dust settling on a dark wooden table. Take a cloth and wipe it away. Use your faith in him and uncover the victories you are meant to discover.


A truth that he allowed me to discover upon arriving back home:
You are precious. You are divine. You are MINE.


Claim what He has already won right?
Me.
I am claiming me.

Look at me, looking at you.

It's so easy to put your best foot forward. To put on a show and flash all your best cards. It's easy to figure out what people like and to give them what they want. But how long can that act last? It's like walking sideways, only ever showing that part of you. Parts but never the whole. 

I have a hard time looking people in the eye when I'm talking. Something about it scares the hell out of me. During one conversation I decided to just give it a try, and the person on the other end was just looking back at me- and I mean REALLY looking at me. They were looking at my face so intently, and it almost felt like they were studying it- flaws and all. 

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of someone else is one of the most precious and most profound moment two people can share. That moment lasted no longer than 30 seconds at most, but it was enough to coax out a REAL genuine smile out of me. I felt a kind of peace in my heart that I have never experienced before. 

We spend so much time hiding our fears, our insecurities, our bad habits in fear that they cheapen our value and make us less of a person. Similarly to how girls spend ridiculous amount of money on make up to hide every flaw, every imperfection, every blemish. Skeletons in the closet. 

Being vulnerable is the highest form of friendship upgrades.

You owe it to yourself to experience life face to face. It's easier to get to where you need to be, when you can actually see where you're going. 

Don't spend your life walking sideways.

Beauty to Unveil

One of the things that I absolutely hate dislike is being "read". It annoys me. When people do it, I feel threatened, and that is a feeling I'm not accustomed to handling. I hate it when people start reading me because I feel like they are unlocking a door that was supposed to remain closed. Forever. They see behind the picture I have expertly crafted over the years, one that is true enough to who I am but not so much that all of me is exposed. Does that make sense?

There is so much about myself that I always felt needed to be hidden. So much about myself that I felt wasn't beautiful enough. I have spent the past thirteen years experimenting with what parts of me were "socially acceptable" enough to expose. Being bullied during my childhood (when I moved from the Philippines to Toronto) left me so emotionally scarred that I thought it was necessary to cover up who I really was. I promised myself that I would never be so vulnerable.

Being vulnerable was ugly. 

Being vulnerable was undesirable. 

I was vulnerable. 


THEREFORE...
Being "me" would not make me beautiful. 

It would not make me desirable to others.

I had to silence the essence of being "me". 

I studied the other girls. What they did seemed to work. They all seemed to fit that "beautiful" category. If I did it long enough, I would be successful...eventually. These are the scars that I carry in my heart. The ones that I learned to cover up with fancier clothes and with $140 worth of make up. These were the scars that I thought could be patched up with rocky relationships and temporary flings. Sure these men wouldn't last in my life, but hey at least for x amount of weeks I felt accepted.

So there it was, thirteen years of pain, thirteen years of hiding. So when someone saw through all of it, it really really bothered me. Who did this person think he/she was? Who gave them permission to break down my security system and see through me as if I hid behind glass rather than solid iron-clad walls?

Now more than ever the Lord has been telling me otherwise. 

"When a woman knows that she is loved and loved deeply, she glows from the inside. This radiance stems from a heart that has had its deepest questions answered: Am I lovely? Am I worth fighting for? Have I and will I continue to be romanced?. When these questions are answered, Yes, a restful quiet spirit settles in a woman's heart. 

Beauty is a quality of the soul that expresses itself in the visible world. You can see it. You can touch it. You are drawn to it. Beauty illuminates. Beauty flows from a heart that is alive. When a (woman) is at rest with (the knowledge that she is romanced and that she is loved) we can offer our hearts to others and invite them to life. 

Unveiling our beauty really just means unveiling our feminine hearts."

Well Lord, that's kind of scary. Doesn't that mean that I have to stop hiding? Doesn't this mean that I have to actually risk putting myself, my real self out there? Wait, first of all do I even have any sort of beauty to offer? And even if I do find this "beauty" within me, am I not putting myself at risk of getting hurt? Of getting rejected? You're asking me to be vulnerable and vulnerable is what I swore I'd never do—  These are the kinds of questions that filled up my mind day after day. 

His response? Well my friends, to say it's been overwhelming is an understatement. He has affirmed me in ways I could not even have imagined myself. He continues to reveal to me that I am indeed worthy to be loved, and that I am worthy of being romanced by Him. He has taken me to places that have left me speechless. He has given me experiences that are priceless and irreplaceable. Through this, he was showing me that I was worth it. Learning to unveil my beauty would be challenging, but it would also be one of the greatest ways for me to express my faith in Him.

It would require me to trust Him, trust that He has indeed placed in me some sort of beauty to offer to the world.

"Unveiling our beauty is our greatest expression of hope. We hope that it will matter, that our beauty really does make a difference. We unveil beauty in the hope that Jesus is growing our beauty. Yes, we are not yet what we long to be. But we are underway. Restoration has begun. To offer beauty now is an expression of hope that it will be completed.  

Unveiling beauty is our greatest expression of love, because it is what the world most needs from us. When we choose not to hide, when we choose to offer our hearts, we are choosing to love. Our focus shifts from self-protection to the hearts of others. We offer Beuty so that their hearts might come alive, be healed, know God. That is love."

Jesus offers; he invites; he is present. That is how he loves. 

So to this I say: Thank you Lord for allowing that person to see through me. For allowing that person to do more than just see the me I created for the world, but to also understand that behind that was an actual human being. Thank you for allowing me to slowly peel the layers I so comfortably knew to hide behind. I am not perfect because of my past or because of my sinful ways, but through you I can find the strength needed to unveil the beauty that lay dormant for so many years. 

In the knowledge that I am loved, that I am romanced and that I have beauty to unveil I want to be more like you. So that I too can offer, can invite and be present.

...THIS is how I will love.

You will be Captivating to those who are Wild at Heart

Message to all the guys out there: Do you know how many times I've had to confront a guy about their intentions and all I got was a "you shouldn't have assumed in the first place..." THIS is not a valid enough reason to get away with it. Be responsible. PLEASE. If you are NOT planning on courting her or pursuing her, watch your words. More importantly WATCH YOUR ACTIONS. Think twice about what you do/say around a girl. Treat her like a sister. That way, she doesn't end up thinking you mean something else. If you don't make it clear to us ladies what your real motive is then you can be sure that we'll end up assuming. If we're not hearing it from you then you know who we'll hear it from? Our girlfriends. That usually doesn't help..because we don't know any better. If you put it out there, then at least we know it's strictly platonic. We really shouldn't have to question what you mean. If you're a decent guy then your actions will be consistent with your motives.

Message to all the girls out there: If you are ANYTHING like me... stop overthinking! Stop overreacting. Stop assuming. Don't take his caring words and promises too seriously. Don't be drawn in by his charm. Don't think he's all about to get up on it. If he hasn't said anything then DON'T think anything more of it. In short, just try to think of your heart and salvage as much of it as possible by NOT getting caught up so easily.

You know what our worst habit is? Talking to each other about a guy situation and egging each other on about the "feel good" vibes. We live for those "fluffy heart-to-heart" moments. We DIE for those coffee dates where we can just share our latest fling because we know we're going to get a "YOU GO GIRL, DO YOUR THANG!!" kind of reply. Nothing is wrong with being supportive as long as we remind eachother to be cautious. I know it can kill the mood sometimes, but we have GOT to do this more for eachother. Help a sister out by allowing her to see the situation for what it is instead of adding frills and flowers that come with our advice column conversations. OH YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN! 

Nothing blinds us more than a guy whose charm has engulfed our being. This is where we really need to stick it out.

#claimingWinnipeg

"Ask, and it will be given to you; 

seek, and you will find; 

knock, and it will be opened to you."

- Matthew 7:7

A few months ago I started my own hashtag on twitter. For those who don't know, the YFC national conference for Canada this year is going to be at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg. After attending the International Leaders Conference in Aklan, I got to meet and know three new Canadians on the #teamtruenorth team. Indeed it was a blessing that I would slowly get to know and establish meaningful relationships with each one of them. For me it felt empowering to have my little Canadian team because I could always look to them for moral support once I flew back home. 


We witnessed God's love together throughout conference. This opportunity allowed us to experience the Almighty as a united group, but by the end of it we would all have our own personal testimonies to share in our own areas. We were only four out of 6000 but the grace, love & mercy of God showed us was enough to set off small "lights"; Canada has been struggling and these stories NEED to be heard.


I remember crying bawling at the airport because it hit me...this may very well be the last time I see them for a very, very, very long time. Annie, CJ, and Tim all live on the West coast while I, the lone wolf, live in the East.

If we were ever to reunite, the best place was conference.

At that time it seemed so impossible for me to attend. I couldn't look past the fact that in order for me to attend I would have to magically find a LOT of free money because I've been here in the Philippines for 5 months (...and counting) with NO job. How the heck was I going to get there? Regardless of my doubts, I still remembered to sneak in #claimingWinnipeg in my prayers.

----

Last month I was asked to attend the Provincial Youth Conference in Tuburan, Cebu. That seemed impossible because I didn't have the financial means to buy a ticket, yet my prayers were answered within less a week. Then I was asked to stay for SHOUT and that seemed unlikely because rebooking my flight meant having to dish out more cash, yet I ended up participating (and having the time of my life).

If the Lord was able to provide for these two small events, why was it so hard for me to believe that He would also be able to provide for me back on home turf? 

So what started out as a semi-joke/hopeful thinking turned into a "power" petition. I kept telling myself that Winnipeg was mine to claim. Winnipeg was a victory He had already won for me. 

...AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

Two days ago that prayer was answered. 

Our small "lights" can now unite as one. Together we will help to IGNITE THE FIRE which Canada needs badly right now. The fire that stirs in each one of our hearts will burn bright. So not only do I get to go, but my whole family will be there to witness the whole event as well.

Brothers and sisters, do not ever THINK that anything is bigger than our God. This whole trip, this whole mission of mine has been a testimony that God is the ONLY one who can provide for you. He will give you everything you deserve and more.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO...
is say 'Yes'.


It's such a simple act, yet so many of us find it hard to do. 
Sacrificing something dear to you only means that there are even greater opportunities to receive something even better. It is with that promise that you should believe in His ability to grant you your heart's desire(s). 

I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.

If you were placed in a situation where someone asked you to jump off a ledge with no safety harness or protective gear, would you?

Everyone who knows me, knows that I am the meticulous, analytical, overly cautious type of person. I do not take risks unless all relevant factors and/or consequences have been examined- twice. I thrive in security. I thrive in knowing that I have control in a situation. This is so apparent in even the smallest of things: I colour coordinate my laundry, I use at least four different coloured pens when writing notes, I never bend the pages of my book, I bring a suitcase for a weekender. These are my "simple joys", the things I can do to bring more "order" in my life.

With all the things that the Lord has provided me during the past few months I feel so underserving. Who am I that He makes me feel important? Who am I that He choose me out all the other active YFC members in the community to go on mission? Why did he choose to stir my heart when I had given up so many years earlier?

Now I know why- because my conviction is much stronger. It is within the extreme experiences where my declaration finds its anchor in the Lord. I am one of the extremely favoured. He has chosen me knowing full well both my strengths and my weaknesses.

Cebu holds a special place in my heart. It is here in Kusugbo* that the Lord has decided to groom me for my purpose, a purpose that he has been consistently asking me to claim. It is within this place that He has revealed himself to me. This is where he has revealed to me the greatest desire in my heart. In the last two months I have denied myself of that purpose. I allowed myself to drown out the vision in my mission because I wanted to avoid it. Is this really what the Lord has been calling me for?

My biggest fear was that my YES would mean giving up many things that I highly valued and that were close to my heart. It is through my prayers that the Lord has told me: My child, your heart will continue to be restless until it rests in Me your God. Let go of the fears and anxiety you have in your heart because it is only I who can give you the peace of mind you have been desiring all your life. Do you think that I will abandon you if you chose to devote your life to me? No! Of course not. See how abundant the blessings in your life are with every step closer you take towards me? You are my beloved. I will not forsake you. Your life will be simple but you will discover and become exactly who you are meant to be. This is my purpose for you. Nothing else will satisfy this thirst.

It is only in my nothingness where the Lord can become my everything.

I alone know the plans that I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future that you hope for. Then you will call to me. You will come and pray to me and I will answer you. You will seek me and you will find me because you will seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13,
The Verse of my Life.

*Kusugbo= Kusug (strong) 
                 Sugbo (Cebu)

Let me serve you, let me fight for your love.

The picture below depicts where I'm at with my service.

Our God is a God of providence. That's what I keep telling myself. This is what He has been challenging me with the past week...to really trust in His ability to provide for me.

I attended a household meeting with YFC Cebu leaders last night and the topic of PYC came up. Basically, they will be holding their conference on the weekend of May 26-May 27. That happens to be my birthday weekend. There are other things that will be going on that specific week. I started to panic when they asked me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that God was very literally asking me to choose between two of the greatest desires in my heart. As obvious as the answer to me was, I still found myself hesitating.

Despite the unworthiness I feel, I find the Lord calling me out....still. He is asking me to give Him my time, my effort and my trust. He has stirred my heart and reminded me that I do have a purpose here in the Philippines. I spent the first half of my trip in a state of chaos and confusion. I questioned why I even allowed myself to spend so much time on "vacation". I mean, I pretty much came out here on a whim. Nothing but a vision a year ago that I needed to travel here. He wanted me to discover something great. I doubted him many times within the past three months, but, I feel that the time is NOW. I have to answer His call. How can I deny Him when He has done nothing but shower me with blessings?

I mean, when it rains...brothers & sisters it POURS.

The only thing standing between me and a full YES is approximately Pxxxx- the cost of a ticket from Manila to Cebu.

I know somehow the Lord will provide financially. I'm already halfway through the battle, because someone has already offered to help me with HALF of  the cost...all within 24hrs of being asked to serve!

Lord, may I never lose sight of my mission here. Continue to humble me throughout my trip and allow me to meet the right people- people who will bring me closer to you and strengthen my faith. Surround me with people whose purpose is like mine. May we come together and grow in faith. Continue to draw me closer to where you are...I want to be with you.

All glory and praise to His name.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

One thing I've started to rediscover during my trip here in the Philippines is my essence as a woman. What in the world do I need to be in order to be respected, to be treasured and most importantly to be loved? Like me, so many of the women today are confused. They are confused because of the way that our societies have chosen to define what and how a woman should be. She should be kind, generous, caring and loving. But then she should also be fearless, aggressive, strong, and the most commonly used definition lately:  independent. 

Apparently that's the most IMPORTANT part: In order to be a "REAL" woman, you need to realize that you do not need a man in your life. Heck, it's all about flower power. You're a woman? So what! You can make your own money, own your own house, drive your own luxury car and climb that career ladder of yours! You're just as great as the next man across from you. Go ahead, tell all the men in your life you're so much better than them.

But that's not why the Lord made us.

"The essence of a man is Strength. A man is meant to be the incarnation- our experience in human form- of our Warrior God. A God who comes through for us." 

Women today strive to be something they are not. We were never made to be like our male counterparts. We will never be like the men in our life, nor should we want to be. Now before I share with you what a woman should offer the world, let me first ask you a simple question.

What was the LAST thing the Lord created on this Earth?

Think about it....

The last thing our God made was woman. 

Has it hit you yet? The profoundness of that very fact? If we see value and beauty in His creations like the mountains, the seas and the animals then why is it so hard for us to see our value and our beauty as a woman? 

WE ARE HIS MASTERPIECE. 

We are the crowning glory. 

We are the cherry on top of that sundae.

So now I can tell you that, "the essence of a woman is beauty. She is meant to be the incarnation- our experience in human form- of a Captivating God."

When I read that in Captivating I was blown away. It took a moment to register. My goodness how was I so blind these past 23 years? How could I let my society devalue me? How did I let so many people tell me I was worth nothing, that I wasn't worth it? That was when I started to not only see but accept what the Lord wanted me to claim this whole time: that as a woman, I am precious.

Lord, grabe ka talaga! You know me and the needs of my heart. You have found a way for me to physically experience Your love...I mean, what better way to affirm my essence as a woman & my worth as Your daughter than to send me such STRONG brotherly companionship here in the Philippines? He has blessed me with so many male counterparts to guide, protect and to walk with me as I grow in my faith journey with Him halfway around the world. What are the chances that I'd have so many of my CANADIAN brothers join me?! First Miguel, Timothy, and Cj. Pretty soon I'll be joined by Julius. And right on time for my birthday, the Biaco brothers Paul & Mitch. These brothers and their presence in my life has been God's reminder to me: that I am His princess.

A man, if he is of God, should help you to discover your beauty as a woman. He will treasure your heart. He will seek out your presence and fight for your love.

So as a woman, yes I do believe we need a man in our life.

Semana Santo

What does it mean to be out of your comfort zone?

This lenten season is the first one in twenty-two years that I've spent away from my family, away from what I've learned to accept as my "home" in Canada. I've done more self-reflecting within the past month than I ever have in the past few years. The Lord has spoken so many times to me during this trip and at first I found it hard to hear him. I know it was my fault. I had steered so far away from my journey, from the mission that he entrusted me with eleven months ago. One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that our God is not an aggressive or boisterous one. He is quiet, he is calm, he is benevolent.

"Longer"

Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean

Higher than any bird ever flew

Longer than there’ve been stars up in the heaven

I’ve been in love with you.

Stronger than any mountain cathedral

Truer than any tree ever grew

Deeper than any forest primeval

I am in love with you.

  -Dan Fogelberg

-------------------------

The way in which our God loves us. May this serve as a reminder for you. I pray that someday, if not already, you will see just how greatly He wants you to come back to Him. The Lord's love for you is everywhere. You just have to see beyond what the world is projecting. Look beyond materials, look beyond man-made creations. He exists in all the things He created (especially within every person you encounter regardless of how unpleasant they may seem).

It takes a lot more effort to see God in everything and everyone, but I promise you once you learn how to do it, you will begin to see just how great his love is for you. I'm still learning (far far from being perfect) YET I'm already so overwhelmed by the goodness of it! 

The Lord's love for me manifests itself in the sky. Regardless of where I am in the world, the one thing that stays consistent within my sight is that very thing. Day or night, the sky always extends far beyond what my eyes can see. I will never forget that night I spent at Bantayan when I was just sitting under the stars. Moments of profound grace. It was such an intimate moment for me, as if the Lord was saying:

This is how much I have loved you. You are more precious and worth so much more than the beauty of the stars at night. Try to count how many there are, and triple that number. That is how many times I will try to capture your attention when you stray away from me. See how brightly they shine? That is how I see you. What a lovely sight to behold. Remember that as a daughter of Eve you can still claim your place as the crown of creation. This moment I have designed specifically for you. This moment is yours alone, but I'm allowing you to share it as well with the one around you. Treasure this memory. Let it remind you to never give up on me. As long as the sky exists above you, so too will my love surround you.  

?

Waiting for the perfect moment...
won't always guarantee you a happy ending.
What else are you waiting for?

What dreams are made of

VLOG 10!!!!!!!!!! :)

Click it friends! You know you want to...
This is one of my more fun vlogs. I really enjoyed every minute of everyday while I visited my hometown. My childhood exists because these kind of memories live on forever.

Find out for certain, love's gonna be there for you...

"No goodbyes...I promised you that a decade ago.

And that promise will never be broken."

Lord, thank you for allowing me to feel your Love through the people I care for the most. I am not perfect, but you always find ways to remind me that I am beautiful just the way I am. You knew me before I was born. You know the desires of my heart, and you multiply the ways in which I receive them. It is never in the way I expect...it's even bigger and better! Who am I to deserve this? This trip has opened up my eyes to the woman I am, the woman I am capable of becoming, and the woman You want me to be.

What more could I possibly ask for?
#BEYONDBLESSED

Vlog #9

IT'S OUT FOLKS.
That still picture from the video does not do anything for me. Hah.
But...I hope you enjoy! The next few vlogs are really personal.

Spiritual Sarcasm

"The Lord was making me uncomfortable not so that I could feel his absence, but so that I may further seek His presence."

Jesus, you have been too good to me this past week. 

Thank you for making me feel safe and able.

I can do this. 

coffee x emails x Emeli Sande on rainy days

"For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised."

Hebrews 10:36

Feeling the love from all the email replies I've been getting the past few days. Like these blog posts, my emails are novels. Thankfully, the replies are lengthy as well. I don't know about the rest of you, but getting personal messages make me feel special. It means that someone took time out of their busy day to actually:

1.  read my long arse lifestory of an email 
2.  reply 

To those who have already replied MANY thank you's. You don't know the power of your words. It has been enough to refuel and rekindle the flame in my heart. 

Love and other Drugs

My "drugs" from Canada have finally arrived care of @ellen_mt. You can't imagine how happy I was to receive the LBC package. Although I grew up in the Philippines, my body has morphed into its North American version over the years, thus rendering my immune system to a minimal. There are days when I can't even see out of my eyes because of how swollen they are, and nights when I end up finishing tissue paper rolls (sorry cuz!).

Now... it doesn't seem like a big deal receiving my medications, but just like how these "saving" pills came in the mail, so too did the GOOD great news from a friend via iM. His personal message could not have come at the most ideal time. I am filled with SO much joy and happiness right now. I feel like God is trying to tell me that he has heard my prayers and that like my medication he will rid me off the toxins (in my mind) and give me a clearer view of what is to come.

Discernment

What the world says is successful vs. What I think is a good enough cause to fight for.

I thought being in the Philippines would make it so much easier for me to decide. Wrong. Being here has only opened up my eyes to the vastness that lies in between the two lifestyles. This is NOT a highschool multiple choice question. I can't just take a pencil, and fill in what I know is the "better answer", the textbook answer. This is the real stuff. What I choose to go with, I actually have to LIVE out, consequences and all.

In a world where North American lifestyle is glamourized and social activism is on the brink of becoming the latest "fad", deciding has only become that much more challenging. 

You either work for the Lord. Or you work for Money. Inevitably what you do defines who or what exactly you are serving.

Lord continue to stir my heart. I called, and this was Your answer.  Allow me to find my purpose here. 

What goes through my mind every night before bed...

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Candles, Cake and Confetti (rewritten since the original one got deleted!)

We are the prime example of opposites.

Mestizo vs morena.

Skinny vs fat well-fed.

Spontaneous vs neatfreakxOCDxagendas.

Books should use our pictures as reference, haha.

"A true friend is someone who accepts your past, supports your present, and encourages your future."

Happy Birthday bestfriend. 

An introduction of sorts.

 Finally after two months (and three days) I have finally gotten around to:

1.  making a blog
2. posting it
3. releasing it for public consumption
....okay, so I half lied. I still don’t know what to fill this blog with. What I hope to do is share my experiences, both the everyday mundane activities and the big events that encompass my six-month journey in the homeland. 

I came here with a bag full of expectations (and about two weeks worth of clothes). I thought  of all the possibilities a small 5’1 Filipino-Canadian girl would do once she got rooted and settled into the Philippine lifestyle. I dreamt big and I knew I wanted to do it all. Nine months before I actually left Toronto, I was given a vision. I held onto that vivid picture and it made the "impossible" seem possible. At that time I had about three more semesters left of my undergrad. How the heck was I going to finish it in less than a year when I was somewhat, kind of behind my peers? But, praise God because I was obviously able to finish. When you know why you're doing what you are doing, anything can happen. I guess I could call that moment the beginning of a Purpose Driven Life.